Sample editing of ESL client projects

SAMPLE 1 (excerpt from a business letter)

Original I am very concern about the slow process and the time your claim department takes to expedite claim numbers. Often placing packages tracing in excess of three and four time for the same damages or loss. Delaying the claim process for months. I would like to have a meeting with you and your supervisor to discuss this issue which is placing an extra task in our operation in the scope of repeating claim submissions.

With tracking/color insertion On behalf of our company, I am very deeply concerned about the your service’s slow and inefficient claims process. and the time yourYour claims department takes to expedite claim numbers. Often frequently placing hinders our ability to quickly resolve problems of damage or loss by packages initiating the tracing procedure in excess of three and or even four times over for the exact same damages or loss. shipment. Delaying Such duplication of effort inevitably delays the claims process for months, and we are truly at a loss to understand why. I would very much like to have a meeting with you and your supervisor to discuss this very serious issue. which This ongoing problem is placing an considerable extra task in strain on our operations in the scopeterms of repeating repeated claims submissions.

Without tracking On behalf of our company, I am deeply concerned about your service’s slow and inefficient claims process. Your claims department frequently hinders our ability to quickly resolve problems of damage or loss by initiating the tracing procedure three or even four times over for the exact same shipment. Such duplication of effort inevitably delays the claims process for months, and we are truly at a loss to understand why. I would very much like to meet with you and your supervisor to discuss this very serious issue. This ongoing problem is placing considerable extra strain on our operations in terms of repeated claims submissions.

SAMPLE 2 (excerpt from a book report)

Original The author has point out her personal experiences although not always relating to herself but the people around her. She has described in great details, how the families was separated and faced miserable situations. For instance, the death of Ruth’s mother was so well described that one can actually feel the pain suffered by the character. Ruth had been searching for the truth of her mother who was separated from her. Years go by and she is never told what happened to her until she is an adult in her thirties. Although Ruth doesn’t know what actually happened to the mother, but she assumes she was dead already.

With tracking/color insertion The author haspoint out outlined her own personal experiences, although not always relating them to herself but rather to the people around her. She has described in great details, how the families family members was were separated torn apart and faced miserable situations. For instance, the death of Ruth’s mother was is so well vividly described depicted that one the reader can actually feel the pain suffered by the character. Ruth had has been searching much of her life for the truth of about her mother, from whom who she was separated from heras a child. Years go by, and she is never told what happened to her until she is an adult in her thirties. Although Ruth doesn’t know what actually happened to the mother, but , who has spent she two decades assumes assuming she her mother wasis already dead already.

Without tracking The author has outlined her own personal experiences, although not always relating them to herself but rather to the people around her. She has described in great detail how family members were torn apart and faced miserable situations. For instance, the death of Ruth’s mother is so vividly depicted that the reader can actually feel the pain suffered by the character. Ruth has been searching much of her life for the truth about her mother, from whom she was separated as a child. Years go by, and she is never told what happened until she is an adult in her thirties who has spent two decades assuming her mother is already dead.

SAMPLE 3 (excerpt from a biographical essay)

Original On a cold January day I arrived at USMC Boot camp. It was 3 am in the morning. Could you imagine one happy boy who steps off the bus into a world of confusion? They shawed our heads, took our clothes away and gave us military uniforms. One of our drill instructors told us “There are only two ways off of this island, recruits. A pine box, or a Greyhound bus.” It was truth in 110% because once you stepped on this island there are only those two ways to get out from there.

With tracking/color insertion On a cold January day, at 3:00 am in the morning, I arrived at the USMC Boot boot camp,. It was 3 am in the morning. Could you imagine one a happy boy who steps stepped off the bus into a world of confusion? . They shawed shaved our heads, took our clothes away, and gave us military uniforms. One of our drill instructors told barked at us, “There are only two ways off of this island, recruits. A pine box, or a Greyhound bus.” It was the absolute truth! in 110% because once you stepped on this island there are only those two ways to get out from there.

Without tracking On a cold January day, at 3:00 am in the morning, I arrived at the USMC boot camp, a happy boy who stepped off the bus into a world of confusion. They shaved our heads, took our clothes away, and gave us military uniforms. One of our drill instructors barked at us, “There are only two ways off of this island, recruits. A pine box, or a Greyhound bus.” It was the absolute truth!

SAMPLE 4 (excerpt from a class assignment)

Original My biology high school teacher has a wonderful personality. She was close to the student and at the same time has her respect as a teacher. She has a quite personality, which allows all the student to talk and ask when ever they want. When she was explaining some subject, she was always trying to make it simple and acceptable to understand. She is the kind of people who understand others circumstances for example, if some of the students could not attend the quiz she will listen to the reasons that kept the student for not attending the quiz and she gave her another chance. She was so corporative with all the students. Academically, she was so versed in her specialty. She has a strong self confident and that make her more strong and expert in her subject.

With tracking/color insertion My high-school biology teacher has had a wonderful personality. She was close to the students and but at the same time has herwas respected as a teacher. She has aA quite quiet personality, which who allows allowed all the students to talk and ask questions when ever they wanted. , When when she was explaining explained some subjectmaterial, she was always trying tried to make it simple and acceptable toeasily understandable. She is was also the kind of people person who understands the circumstances of others; circumstances for example, if some a of the students student could not attend the a quiz, she will would listen to the reasons that kept the student for not attending the quiz and swhy then gave give her another a chance to make it up. She was so corporative cooperated in this way equally with all the students. Academically, she was so well versed in her specialty. that She she has a strong selfwas extremely self-confident, which in turn confident and that make made her more even stronger and more expert in her subject.

Without tracking My high-school biology teacher had a wonderful personality. She was close to the students but at the same time was respected as a teacher. A quiet person who allowed students to talk and ask questions whenever they wanted, when she explained material, she always tried to make it simple and easily understandable. She was also the kind of person who understands the circumstances of others; for example, if a student could not attend a quiz, she would listen to the reasons why then give her a chance to make it up. She cooperated in this way equally with all the students. Academically, she was so well versed in her specialty that she was extremely self-confident, which in turn made her even stronger and more expert in her subject.

SAMPLE 5 (excerpt from a business article)

Original Most customers experience the attribution process relating to purchase. Customers can work much more attribution process with regard to purchase on online, rather than on offline because customers on online cannot use the best their senses-look, taste, feel, smell, and sound. They just use their experiences, brand, advertising, word-of-mouth. The negative attribution on satisfaction shows the minus (-) impact to repurchase intention. Thus, manager should tract continuous the customer responses after customer bought. This might provide feedback to company and help customer enhance positively the perception by the negative attribution. It is based on constant development of the Internet technologies. Both tracking effective customer and building database can impact to the company’s long-term development.

With tracking/color insertion Most customers experience the attribution process relating related to purchase. Customers can work much more With regard to purchases online rather than offline, such attribution processes are more focused with regard to purchase on online, rather than on offline because customers on online cannot use the best their senses—-look, taste, feel, smell, and sound. They just simply use draw upon their experiences, brand name, advertising, and word-of-mouth. The A negative attribution on satisfaction shows the minus (-) impact to on repurchase intention. Thus, managers should tract continuous continuously track the customer responses after customer boughtpurchase. This Such follow-up might provide feedback to the company and help customer them enhance positively the positive customer perception by theto counteract negative attribution. It isSuchEven though tracking requires based on constant development of the Internet technologies,. Bboth effective customer tracking effective customer and the building of a database can positively impact to the company’s long-term development.

Without tracking Most customers experience the attribution process related to purchase. With regard to purchases online rather than offline, such attribution processes are more focused because customers online cannot use their senses—look, taste, feel, smell, and sound. They simply draw upon their experiences, brand name, advertising, and word-of-mouth. A negative attribution on satisfaction shows the minus (-) impact on repurchase intention. Thus, managers should continuously track customer responses after customer purchase. Such follow-up might provide feedback to the company and help them enhance positive customer perception to counteract negative attribution. Even though tracking requires constant development of Internet technologies, both effective customer tracking and the building of a database can positively impact the company’s long-term development.

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